Busy & Disconnected from My Body

This is the most embarrassing story.

And maybe even a little TMI (too much info) but if you stick with me there’s a point.

Rewind to 2010. My days were fast-paced. At that time, my to-do list was never-ending. I’d earned two promotions at work so I was part of the executive management team. 

Each moment of the day was packed -- starting before work by reading email over breakfast, followed by going from appointment to appointment with barely a moment to escape for lunch.

On this particular day, I darted into the bathroom to change my tampon and realized it wasn’t there.

No string.

No tampon. 

Nothing. The whole thing…just MIA.

There I stood, confused. How could it be MIA when I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had inserted a tampon?

I was HORRIFIED!!!! 

I couldn't recall any of my friends EVER mentioning losing a tampon. In a panic, I went to YouTube to learn if others had experienced it. No luck.

Then I called my best friend. She, too, hadn’t heard of it.

Next, I called my mom who shared something similar happened to her many years ago. “Go to the gynecologist,” she said.

So, one day later, there I was on the exam table talking to my gynecologist. 

Doc: It’s not there. In fact, there’s nothing there.

Me: Are you sure?

Doc: Positively. Nothing there. Maybe it slipped out.

Me: But I would have felt that. Are you sure it’s not lost inside me?

Doc: I don’t know what else to tell you, but I’m certain it’s not there. Did you even put one in?

Me: Silence. 

There I was, all propped up on the table, thinking, Did I put a tampon in? 

I had been so busy, rushing from place to place, going from thing to thing, I couldn’t even remember if I had used a tampon.

Gheesh, how could I be that disconnected from my body? 

At first, I felt crazy, then I thought, I CANNOT be the only one who is so busy, so rushed, so automated, that I do things without awareness. And I thought, what kind of woman is that disconnected from her lady bits?

This was a wake-up call. Maybe you could never see yourself forgetting a tampon, but chances are, if you're constantly on the go like the old me, it's easy to become disconnected from yourself.

These days I give myself a vulva hug. A simple self-love hug that helps me stay grounded in my body and my vulva.